Dear Abby Lynn,
Last I wrote we were still waiting anxiously to meet you. Little did I know at that time how perfect our meeting would be. You were born May 15, 2012 at 2:46 am and our lives were forever changed for the better. Your daddy beamed and I cried. You cried the very first second your little lungs would allow; I think that this was to reassure your worried mom that you were indeed alright. You are beautiful and the experience was indescribable. I don't know how else to say it.
Abby, you are one week old today, and changing so much. The change is as fun and exciting as it is heartbreaking. Some moments I get so excited watching you fill out and mature. Other moments I want to cry and freeze time, keeping you my newborn forever. Before, when people would tell me there were no words to describe the feelings that come with being a mother, I would roll my eyes. Now I understand. There really are no words. The ways you have changed me already - they are indescribable. The feelings I feel for you - I can't even begin to touch on. The way my heart swells whenever your daddy so much as looks at you - I get teary just thinking about it.
Bringing you home from the hospital was one of the most emotional times of the last week. It was exciting and frightening all at the same time. Buckling you in your car seat was frightening. If I ever teased your dad about driving like a grandpa before, this well surpassed it. He is more careful with you in the car than that 90 year old men driving next to us. I felt overwhelmed that you were mine. I did not feel worthy in the slightest, the only thing saving me was the fact that your dad was my other half. I knew that together we do anything, because of his amazing example and influence. Then, we had kind of a rough night, the three of us. We were all trying to adjust and get used to the change that was taking place. But, your sweet spirit still shone through, as I sat up with you on the couch all night, reassuring me that we could do this.
Our house has never been messier. (Thank goodness for moms/grandmas who come and help us keep things in order, not to mention make us enough meals to last weeks on end. We are so grateful for them!) But, you know what? I could care less. I live for the little moments with you snuggled on my chest. Or the naps we take together. I live for the facial expressions you make in your sleep. I even live for the smelly diapers that make your dad and I both cringe. I refuse to let a moment pass me by. So, we live in a messy house, but I get to watch my baby grow.
You are named after two of the strongest, most influential women in my life, as I'm sure they will be in yours. I know without a doubt you'll live up to your namesake. I can't wait to watch you interact with them as you grow.
You are loved beyond belief. Your grandparents have sacrificed so much over the last week to help us out. How lucky we are to have them in our lives. They can't get enough of you. They hold you, they kiss you, they whisper sweet nothings to you, and they cherish every moment they get with you. They know how special you are. Everyone that comes in contact with you adores you immediately. They want more time with you. You have that influence on people already. Your aunts and uncles talk about you constantly.
Sweet baby, your daddy loves you so much. He tells you every chance he gets. He whispers in your ear over and over how lucky he is to have you. Not only does he tell you, but he does so much for you. He is up with us in the night, and he still goes to work and school the next day. He is working extra hard, making sure we have the best life for our family. We both adore you; you have made us a family. You have made us better; and you make us improve each day, trying to be the best we can be for you. Being a parent is daunting. Knowing that you rely on us is overwhelming at times, but we are blessed beyond belief to be your parents. To have you carry our name is indescribable.
Last week, I had to get re admitted to the hospital because I was really sick. My first thought when I heard this was, "I'm not going unless I can take Abby." And they let me. Abby, you don't need me. I need you. You were by my side the whole time. You and your dad. We are both spoiled immensely by this incredible man. Because of the medicines I was given, it was nearly impossible for me to care for you the way I wanted to. He was there with us constantly. Sitting on the edge of my bed all night long - holding you to me, calming my tears, and caring for you for hours on end. He loves us, this I know.
I have never felt so close to Heaven as I have this last week. The special spirit you have brought into our lives is amazing. I am in awe that there is a Heavenly Father that trusted me with someone as special as you. I know He knows how special you are. You are loved by your Heavenly Father, He is aware of you, and of our family. Sometimes I wonder how much you know, how close you are to the other side. I wish you could tell me of Heaven and the loved ones we have on the other side. I hope you gave them an extra hug from me.
Abby, you are precious. If nothing else, ever, I want you to know that you are loved. You are loved beyond belief. You are priceless to us. I am humbled to be your mother. You have taught me more in the last week than I have learned in my entire lifetime. I can't wait for our lives together. Be patient with me, my love. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'll try to be the very best I can be - for you. You deserve only the best.
I don't want to finish this letter. It means that our first week together is coming to a close. What a special week it has been. Moments I'll look back on and love always. But you know what? We have countless more to come. And now, I'm going to go cherish some more precious moments with you. I'm going to snuggle you in my bed until we both fall asleep. These are the moments I live for. These are the times I'll hold close to my heart forever and ever - and many more to come, I'm sure.
For now, sleep well my precious baby and know your mommy loves you.
My Whole Heart,
Mommy
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